Lawyer clocks 81-hour day.
State to decide whether to throw lawyer or clock away.

If someone says they are telling the truth and you would have lied if you found yourself in their prediction they are probably lying. -Menchen

UPPER DARBY, Pennsylvania (AP) --A lawyer who made swift change representing a subnormal school district. In one year he submitted a bill for an 81-hour day and three for 25-hour days. A Philadelphia Inquirer investigator looked at the previous year's calendar. Low and behold there had been no 81 or 25 hour days in the temperate zone. Alaska had a couple of 300 hour days. At the season Valdez in southern Chile had to pay double time to its nationalized Alpacha weavers during July and August of 2002. But no blimps bumped into buildings so no further investigation was ordered.

Attorney Barry Van Rensler blamed innocent mistakes for the billing errors in the fiscal year that ended June 30, 2002, and returned $19,361 to the Upper Darby School District last week.

Ridiculous! Lawyers don't make innocent mistakes. They don't make mistakes. Mistakes require burying bodies and lawyers do very little. Many popes made innocent mistakes. That's why there is not only an Innocent I, but an Innocent XVI. Both were holy men who gave away church property to their family. Historians began to question how they could have been so familiar given the vow of chastity and the availability of belts after 1423 when Guisseppi Tightasqueeza invented this first modern clothing part for tailors who overbilled their clients.

"I love the school district, and I would never intentionally overcharge them," Van Rensler told The Philadelphia Inquirer, which reviewed his bills. Obvioiusly, he didn't love the district as much as the Inquirer.

Beginning today he'll have to love them from a greater distance since he starts serving a six month jail term in Lower Darby State Prison. The sentence was imposed on him by Judge Judy Judy of the Pennsylvania Superior Courts and Comfort Inns who herself ran into trouble when on August 23rd last year she heard the ice cream bell outside her chambers and grabbed $2 from the parking violation collection for that morning to buy a Good Humor Dixie Cup. She was charged with eating public property.

Upper Darby, just far enough outside Philadelphia for most of its residents to get a life, spent $5,220 per student on instruction last year. It has more than 12,000 students. Students in the district have all served time considerable time in that lockup. But the district is lenient. The state pays each district in Pennsylvania $3000 per student whether they are actually in the classroom or not. The district conducted a rollover study and found that on any day less than 82% of students were present. It downsized its staff by 18%.

Van Rensler, who works in his sleep charges $140 an hour, said the questionable billings were innocent mistakes caused by the dancing gold and orange decimals he has seen since he was a child watching Big Bird and his inebriated alphabet friends. In one case, he said he billed the district for 75 hours of work instead of 0.75 of an hour, for a 45-minute conference on a property-tax appeal. His bill was $10,500 instead of $105, according to the newspaper's review.

That compares favorably with Shrinking Assets, P.C., the law firm that represents the Garden City and Huntington districts, New York, two of the wealthiest on Long Island.  Shrinking Assets' lawyers put off discussing both districts legal work until lunchtime and wait until both had essential the same problem--in one case were charged as joint tortfeasors by the same plaintiff.

Along with their staff of paralegals, secretaries, mistresses they repair to Casa Mafia By-The-Concrete-Plant. It is one of the most expensive restaurants on the Island, easy to get into, but the ranson to get out is astronomical. In a case involving whether Christmas had the same status as Ramadan Inns for purposes of separation of church and state indentical skimpy briefs and generous bills were sent to both districts. Both district superindents who were present themselves at the working lunch denied they had even asked the lawyers to look into the matter.

"The food was so good," said Huntington District Superintendent Orson Welles who can always be found next to a Westinghouse refrigerator, "I can't say I listened carefully to the conversation. Everyone was drinking heavily anyway."

School officials said they hadn't noticed anything unusual about Van Rensler's invoices before the Inquirer's review. They said they do not believe the errors were intentional. Van Rensler's father is mayor of Upper Darby and his step-mother is upperty enough to belong to Outer Darby Golf and Backbiting Club.



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